Composting: Giving back to the Earth

This morning, after several weeks of contemplating it, I went to my yoga studio for a class called “Sacred Space” advertised as a free meditation class with a guest teacher.  I had no idea what this was going to be like, but I named it “yoga church” in my head. 

Well, it was basically a group therapy session.  A very nice lady, don’t remember her name, who is a massage therapist and also using this Sacred Space class to conduct research, officially or unofficially, I’m not sure.  Her goal is to figure out how to help people reach their natural state and potential without having to wait until their next yoga or meditation class.  Give them the tools to connect and recharge in any given needed moment.

It was pretty out there and uncomfortable.  She proposed different seemingly random ideas and asked for comments, questions, and input from those of us in attendance:  one regular attendee, a woman who was expecting a yoga class, myself, and a man hoping to address his issues with athletic health.

We all introduced ourselves and stated our reason for being there.  My reason was, I’m a breast cancer patient and the description of meditation attracted me to the class because I've read that meditation is useful in breast cancer recovery.

And that’s what happened for the entirety of the hour.   Uncomfortable group therapy with a group of strangers who mostly had no idea what it was going to be.  

The introvert in me was like:  Strangers.  No talkie.  

But I have so many thoughts to share.  But they are all about cancer.  And I don’t want to make people uncomfortable while they talk about all their normal people struggles.  I left the studio very very sweaty.  As sweaty as the yogi’s who attend the hot yoga classes.  Ha!

Despite the uncomfortable and unexpectedness of the session, I came out of there with very valuable ideas.

Composting.  Taking your trash and giving it back to the earth.  And the earth welcomes it, and turns it into new growth.    1-2-3 Let it go.  All the icky stuff, the barriers, the rigidity, the baggage of others that is projected onto you, the compassion that makes you feel sad about the world, the every day fails, etc.  Let the earth take it and turn it into something useful and healing.  What an amazing concept.

Something I've been struggling with this week is my viewpoint of the future.  My thoughts have been primarily focused on the present and the immediate next step in my treatment.  Until the next Star Wars Trailer came out.  Totally awesome.  Totally excited about it.  And then the final screen: December 2015.

What is my life going to be like in December?  There's two possible paths.  The road to recovery.  Or the alternative.  And I got very scared.  I started thinking irrational thoughts like, what if I leave this earth before I get a chance to see that Star Wars movie.  How tragic!!! I'm being kind of funny here, but at the same time serious.  There's no reason for me to be thinking this way.  But its there.  

When we did our 1-2-3 Let it go - compost.  This is the poisonous thought I put down out my fingertips.

Sacred Space.  I don’t know if I will go back.  My introverted self is like NO WAY.  But I came out of there with incredibly valuable ideas in assisting my recovery, and just coping with life in general.  So perhaps I should…