Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Wednesday, May 18, 2016


I have my good health (and intend to stay that way).  I am employed.  I'm in a loving marriage and have a wonderful family.

But there are other obstacles in need of removal.  So I will turn to Ganesha.  He was splendid the last time I needed an obstacle removed!!

Acceptance, Gratitude, and Healing.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Eye of the Storm

I feel like I'm sitting in the eye of a hurricane right now.  Everything is going crazy around me, and I'm in a holding pattern in the middle.

I was offered the job.  I'm on the cusp of accepting it.  There are sensitive and complicated variables involved in the timing.  I want to make sure I'm doing right by myself, my superman, and my workplace.

I went to yoga last night, and the complete stranger who was sitting next to me at the end of the class said "I don't know what you're going through, but I can assure you its going to be alright."

I had to physically restrain myself from laughing out loud, but instead smiled and said thank you and ran the other direction (and then awkwardly stood with her at the cross-walk).  If I go too long between yoga classes, I tend to spend the entire time with silent tears running down my face.  Its really weird.  And I'm not like sad or mad or any typical reason to cause waterworks.  I'm just OVERWHELMED and haven't done a good job of keeping myself BALANCED.   Ug.

Hopefully resolution is coming soon.

I had a conversation with superman last night regarding how I run and hide from my problems when things are difficult.  It further supported that I'm making the right decision.  I need to be happier.  I need less conflict in my life.  I need a job that resonates with my natural state of being (not disciplining teenagers.  you can't avoid conflict when you are in charge of a classroom.)  I don't know what I envision for myself with this position.  It could just be temporary until I figure something else out, or it could turn out to be really great and I do it longterm.  I do know, I am excited about using my degree to make music and still doing classroomy type things, but without all the crap.  I can't continue to do what I'm currently doing any more.

The conversation with superman prompted me to look up INFJ pictures on pinterest all morning.  These were my favorites:

Gratitude, Acceptance, and Healing.  I am grateful that I have the ability to change the things that are no longer acceptable, and contribute to a lifetime of healing.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Teacher Appreciation Week

The internet is plastered with appreciation for teachers.  At work, we are all receiving staff gifts.  Lunches.  Ice Cream parties.  Roaring words of praise.  These things are all awesome and definitely appreciated...


.....this -------->

I understand the problem originates from elsewhere.  I'm just annoyed, deep down inside, past the surface of gratitude.

Well, I have a job interview/audition tomorrow.  I'm nervous.  Decision-making time.

Then, to make matters worse, a job posted earlier this week that:
1.  Is outside of the classroom, but still in education
3.  A position devoted to fixing the things in the above yellow box
4.  In the town where I live
5.  Would be a pay raise.  (Woot!)


6.  application materials will not be reviewed until May 16.

So what do I do!!!??  I'm hopeful of getting a job offer by the end of the week.  *crossing fingers*  But do I ask them to wait while I see if I'm contacted regarding the other thing?  Two weeks is an excessive amount of time to wait.

#adulting is so hard.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Elephants leaving the circus

I came across this funny video about the teacher's work week.  It makes you chuckle.  Its also super accurate.

Teachers bond over this mentality.  

As I watched the video, I found myself thinking:  soooooo 6.5 days out of the week, teachers are either mad or sad?  Waaaaaaaaat?    Wake up call!

But then, on the other hand, I'm thinking to myself:  adulting is hard.  Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

On the other other hand:   Life is too Short to be unhappy.  We should all be doing what makes us happy.

On the other other other hand:  but dreams are for young people.  Reality is for adults, especially when it comes to making money and paying the bills and supporting your family.  Grow up!

I feel immature thinking that I can just quit my job and choose whatever I want to do.

And then I heard a story on the news this morning about elephants leaving the circus.  I couldn't help, in that moment considering all my different hands, to see a metaphor in that.


I have a job interview on Thursday:  one of two responses I've gotten from 15+ submitted resumes (I also received 2 rejection emails today).    If I'm offered the job, I'm prepared to take the leap and leave teaching in the name of happiness and less stress.  It'll be a huge pay cut.  But, its time to take care of me.  No more bull hooks.  Eat some high-quality hay and local produce, go on occasional walks, and possibly pull old tricks...