Saturday, May 14, 2016

Eye of the Storm

I feel like I'm sitting in the eye of a hurricane right now.  Everything is going crazy around me, and I'm in a holding pattern in the middle.

I was offered the job.  I'm on the cusp of accepting it.  There are sensitive and complicated variables involved in the timing.  I want to make sure I'm doing right by myself, my superman, and my workplace.

I went to yoga last night, and the complete stranger who was sitting next to me at the end of the class said "I don't know what you're going through, but I can assure you its going to be alright."

I had to physically restrain myself from laughing out loud, but instead smiled and said thank you and ran the other direction (and then awkwardly stood with her at the cross-walk).  If I go too long between yoga classes, I tend to spend the entire time with silent tears running down my face.  Its really weird.  And I'm not like sad or mad or any typical reason to cause waterworks.  I'm just OVERWHELMED and haven't done a good job of keeping myself BALANCED.   Ug.

Hopefully resolution is coming soon.

I had a conversation with superman last night regarding how I run and hide from my problems when things are difficult.  It further supported that I'm making the right decision.  I need to be happier.  I need less conflict in my life.  I need a job that resonates with my natural state of being (not disciplining teenagers.  you can't avoid conflict when you are in charge of a classroom.)  I don't know what I envision for myself with this position.  It could just be temporary until I figure something else out, or it could turn out to be really great and I do it longterm.  I do know, I am excited about using my degree to make music and still doing classroomy type things, but without all the crap.  I can't continue to do what I'm currently doing any more.

The conversation with superman prompted me to look up INFJ pictures on pinterest all morning.  These were my favorites:

Gratitude, Acceptance, and Healing.  I am grateful that I have the ability to change the things that are no longer acceptable, and contribute to a lifetime of healing.

1 comment:

  1. Balance...such a simple word, such an important task, so hard to maintain. I have found I am most anxious before I make a decision. Not that it totally dissipates, but after the decision it's like I can move forward again. It sounds like that is exactly what you are doing...

    In fact, I would argue that the very action of taking control and making a decision is already restoring the balance. While I am sad to see you leave this profession, I am very happy you are following your heart and finding your own happiness. *hugs* Adulting sucks.

    By the way, that one meme with the Your and My...fits way too well with my year also. INFJs unite! I don't know if it's an INFJ thing or not, but I do feel like the universe tends to direct me, or confirm, in the direction I am meant to go. That may have been the case with the stranger at yoga class?

    Keeping my fingers cross for the house--it looks beautiful from the pictures you posted! Let me know how things go. We should get together sometime over the summer!