Finished Chemo #7 this week. Everything went fine, aside from a random skin reaction to some of the medical tape. That was strange. They told me it was a yeast infection (for the skin?) and prescribed anti-fungal cream. So strange. It seems every time I go, some little thing has to go wrong. Last week, it was my veins saying, no thank you. This week, it was a skin reaction.
Its been an odd time. This type of chemo has proven to be a huge relief from the last type. Close enough to "normal" that the side effects are more annoyances than anything. I've tricked myself at times into forgetting that I have cancer. At times. Then I remember, and.... frowny face.
The annoying things:
-being really tired and not going out and doing things I would normally do. Superman created a fun date-night-matching-choice evening for me last weekend, and I was just too darn tired to go do it. :( Friday nights are a no-go for me now.
-my pants are all practically falling off me because I've lost weight. Its been about 10 - 12 lbs, but its come off my waistline, thighs, and behind. I had a music event this morning, and dug around in my drawers for pants that I don't wear anymore. I needed to look nice and not have my pants falling off me while at a festival.
-my muscles ache and I feel weak. I am remaining active, but I think I'm still losing muscle mass. I was moving instruments around my room yesterday for instrument inspections and last night and today, my muscles are sooooo sore. Like I went and worked out, kind of sore. Weird.
-Sweat. omg. so much sweating at night. I wake up in the morning, DRENCHED. So, not only do I feel unrested because I'm just tired all the time, I am hot underneath the covers, and when I get out, I'm FREEZING.
The result...Grumpy Goose. Mornings are a bad time for me. Granted, they were never good. Superman is wonderful and asks me how I'm doing first thing in the morning and is generally lovable and supportive. He hasn't gotten a cheerful response from me in weeks. I get better after some coffee, but still. I need to be nicer.
Also, with feeling relatively better, I've lost my commitment to being grateful and feeling acceptance. I need to get back to that. I've experienced a lot of success with my treatment so far, and I don't want to inhibit my progress because of my general mood. I haven't been going to my yoga classes either, because of being tired all the time. On the last chemo drug, I would alternate between feeling HORRIBLE AWFUL, and feeling pretty good, with my 2 week recovery time. Now I just feel generally "blah" all the time. I need to go to yoga. Yoga. Make it happen, Heather. You're going to be tired and fatigued for a long long time. Till at least October. You can do this. Its time to heal.
Acceptance, Gratitude, and Healing.