House!

Chemo #14 went great.  Coming to terms with my surgery options.  Cancer.  Blah blah blah.

WE ARE PUTTING AN OFFER DOWN ON A HOUSE TOMORROW!!!!!

We have bank approval, and pending that the VA loan will back the amount we want to offer (it has to match their appraisal), we are going for it!  The house went on the market yesterday and its awesome.  There's lots of quirky things about it that are weird (layout things), but the positives far outway the negatives.  The magic zone of finding land and house for the right price is very very slim and this is only the 2nd house in the last year and a half that I've said out loud "This could be the one."  So fingers-crossed that this will happen for us!  Its already got a lot of interest and we can see that a bidding war will ensue in this one.  Hopefully the VA loan qualifications won't hold us back.  hope hope hope!!!!

So, in the middle of my surgery-coping funk last week, I was having a really hard time staying positive and being able to see beyond cancer.  I was super sad that there wouldn't be anything at all beyond this.   So I decided to start writing down some things in a notebook (with elephants on the cover!) that I look forward to doing in my either near or distant future.  Buying a house and nesting in it was something I wrote down on Monday.  (Nesting includes painting my walls fun colors and buying a hammock.  haha.)  The very NEXT MORNING, this house came on the market.  Boom.  This is how I feel about it (and excuse the language.  Not my word choice, but definitely my sentiment):

Writing things down in my notebook is going to continue!!!

Among the discussions about this house with Superman, the topic of children came up.  I've always been firmly undecided and firmly in the category of not-right-now.  We have been discussing the size of our house and how it fits our future family needs.  Superman said, this house is perfect for nurturing grandchildren, and we won't be having anymore of our own at this point.  That statement affected me harder than I thought it would.  I don't disagree.  I'm just very sad.  If we were going to have kids, it would need to happen in the next couple years.  Well, unfortunately, kids are off the table due to my treatment for the next five years.  After five years, we are just going to be too darn old.  Superman doesn't want to be graduating a 17 year old when he's approaching 70.  And I agree.  So unless we decide to adopt, we are done.  No additions to our family, aside from fur-babies.  I see a lifetime of raising dogs for us.  :)  And having friends over and sharing good brews and good meats.  And having family over and grandchildren running around.  And the freedom for us to travel without being tethered down.   And mornings drinking coffee on our covered porch, gazing into the woods of our luscious backyard.  And engaging in hobbies.  And making a difference in the world at our jobs, but also, and this has become very important to me recently, having a life OUTSIDE of my job.  

I went through a time this winter, shortly before I went to the doctor and then was diagnosed, that I was feeling lost in my future.  I felt empty.  Things at school were tough.  Students were being difficult, ungrateful, crabby, and defiant.  I actually thought to myself that maybe teaching wasn't for me anymore.  I thought maybe I needed to add other meaning to my life and maybe it was time to have a kid.  Well, cancer decided that for me.  And in reality, there's a great deal of freedom that comes along with not raising young kids.  (And I've always thought it would be fun to host foreign exchange students, instead or along with raising children.)

Sigh.  Heavy stuff.  

But back to the present.  We are making our offer tomorrow and hopefully it happens for us!!  Its a wonderful house with awesome potential for our family and our future!